Junk in the Trunk

I have a theory about getting older. I think that the older you get, the less you care about what other people think. It's why old ladies go to the grocery store with their hair in curlers and why old men don't trim their nose hairs. Because, well, they don't care about what us young whipper-snappers think. They do what they want, when they want. And they have no problem letting everybody know exactly what that is.

I think this is why my 2001 Honda Civic has been acting like such a hag.

She just had her 10Th birthday, which, by car standards means that she is past her prime but isn't even close to being considered a classic. Her mid-life crisis has led to a series of rebellious acts... which have led to a string of embarrassing occurrences for yours truly.

Sayonara dignity. I'll miss you.

First she went for my visor mirror, which fell off and literally disappeared. I have no idea when this happened or where it vanished to, but this was clearly an act of sabotage. Doing my makeup in the car is tough without a reflection.

Next up, part of my AC compressor (you guessed it) fell off. This time I felt it happen but not an auto mechanic around believed that "something fell off my car then suddenly my AC stopped working." But gosh darnit, wouldn't you know that is exactly what happened.

The doozy, surprisingly, didn't involve any missing vehicle parts. It did, however, involve trying to get certain parts to cooperate. While driving over a speed bump at the post office, my trunk popped open. It literally just popped open. Fortunately for me, there were lots of people around to witness this embarrassment. Goody!

Pull over. Close trunk. No big deal, I probably just didn't shut it all the way. Nothing to worry about. Get back in the car.

Let's try this again.

Another speed bump. Trunk pops open. People start pointing and laughing. (Is it really necessary to say literally again? Because literally, they were pointing and laughing).

Pull over. Close trunk. Mean mug annoying laughing people, then flash a smile (obviously fake and laced with sarcasm) in their direction.

This quickly became a favorite pastime for the ole Civ. While driving down the highway in Jacksonville, she decided to up the ante. At 60 miles an hour, POP goes the trunk. New problem? It no longer felt the need to stay closed. The 2 guys in the car decided the logical solution was to slam it shut over and over (and over and over) again.

Einstein once said the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

But anyway...

Finally a gentle push did the trick. That is, until the next morning when it flew open on the highway once again. Luggage in tow. Lots of junk in the trunk. As we pulled in to the airport, TSA stopped us.

Does airport security have the authority to ticket you for driving with an open trunk? Because the only thing worse than my trunk sporadically popping open would be having to pay someone to be embarrassed. (Especially when I could just as easily be embarrassed for free pretty much any time I want.)

The TSA guy was actually pretty amazing, and apparently had an abundance of knowledge on the topic of car trunks. Go figure. That emergency release latch for the inside of a trunk? Genius. Even more genius? Actually knowing that it existed. And that if it gets jammed it could keep your trunk from closing...

Promptly adding this to my list of useful tidbits of knowledge learned after-the-fact. Otherwise known as things that don't matter until they matter.

Now that my darling Silver Bullet is all patched up and (almost) as good as new, hopefully she is done acting out and ready to face the next 10 years of her glorious life (probably with me). Even though she has been a pain lately, she has been a great car to me and so long as the engine doesn't fall out next (knock on wood), I think I will keep her.

Too bad she doesn't care what I think.